What do you think of the swinging lifestyle if your boyfriend wants you to try it out?
Exploring the swinging lifestyle can be a complex decision and really depends on your comfort level, boundaries, and the strength of your relationship. It’s important to have open, honest communication with your boyfriend about your feelings, expectations, and any concerns you might have.
Consider discussing why he wants to try it and how it aligns with your values and relationship goals. It’s also crucial to establish clear boundaries and understand the potential emotional implications. If both of you are on the same page and feel secure in your relationship, it could be a new experience, but if you have reservations, it’s perfectly okay to express that and take your time to think it over.
What do you think of the swinging lifestyle if your boyfriend wants you to try it out?
I think you need to educate yourself more about that lifestyle and have some serious discussions about intent, boundaries, consent and comfort levels.
Many years ago I was dating a guy who claimed he was into the “swinger” lifestyle. We had some in-depth discussions about it. I wasn’t opposed, but I also wasn’t “all-in”.
He found a swingers event (basically a meet-n-greet party), and we decided to go. I had agreed to go to see what the community was like, but also refused to “promise to engage” in any sexual activity at my first event. Going to the event was educational, and a big part of why we broke up.
At the event I learned:
- That in the swinger communities, single women are far more welcome than single men. The event in question did not allow men to attend without a female partner.
- That the people at this particular event were very much into communication, boundaries, enthusiastic consent and the ability to say “No” at any time.
- That people at this event were very open to discussing personal sex preferences, STD/STI testing status, safe sex, etc.
- That many at this event weren’t looking for a new couple for have sex with right away, they were looking to socially engage and network for future encounters. There were some that definitely went on to have sex that night, but it was in no way expected or required. And the sex was not happening “on-site” of the event.
It wasn’t exactly what I expected, but it was fun and I learned a lot.
Why it lead to a break up wasn’t because I was hung up about “Swinging” so much as because of what it revealed about the guy I was dating. Things like:
- Despite his claims of being “very into” this lifestyle and community, no one at the meetup knew him.
- He had not been honest or up-front with me about many aspects of the swinging community, despite our discussions.
- Despite our having a long, in-depth discussion about this meetup before going, he ignored my boundaries to pursue his own wants/desires. Without telling me, he had booked a hotel room for us to bring another couple to after the event. I was not included in that decision, at all.
- He did not do well dealing with the fact I was far more “popular” at the event than he was. He copped a major attitude at how the people there interacted with me versus him.
- He did not do well with the people at the event being so open and upfront about information in the community, which often contradicted what he had told me.
- He did not handle “rejection” well. Many couples there made sure I knew I was welcome back anytime, with or without him. They even offered me their contact information if I had any questions or further interest in future events or meetups. He was very upset I got more email addresses than he did that night.
So what I learned at that very educational event about the guy was:
- He used me as his key to even access the event. He would not have been able to even enter without me. Yes, “unicorn hunting” is common at such events, but there is also the “safety” side. They do not want to have random, horny guys showing up thinking it is a sex free-for-all (like he seemed to think)
- He purposely kept vital information from me, in an attempt to keep me ignorant and hopefully manipulate me into doing what he wanted.
- He disregarded my autonomy, agency, and boundaries to suit what he wanted (the hotel room was a massive problem).
- He did not handle rejection, lack of being the center of attention, or “no” well in group settings.
So I think YOU should have a lot of talks with your boyfriend before even deciding to go to a meet.
I think you should also do some research on your own to make sure what he says matches what the community says.
I think you also need to have a real hard think on what YOU want, are comfortable with, and your level of interest in such. Because YOU have as much of a stake in this as he does, and regardless of his interest, it is your mind, emotions, and body involved.
And I think once you do your research and in-depth discussions with your boyfriend, if you decide this isn’t your cup of tea, you absolutely, 1000% have the right to say no and have it respected. If he cannot respect your “NO” you may be better off single.
My husband wants to try swing, but I don’t want to. Why?
We have not done a full swing yet. Just have not found the right couple. We have had more then 25 3some in the last 10 to 12 years. This isn’t for everyone, and most are just afraid to try. it started one night after a few beers in my wife with a lot of heavy pillow talk. we started talking about our fantasy as a kid and young adult.
It got pretty hot and wild. Weeks later it just happens one day on our back deck, And I all most fated when my wife asked the meter reader guy if she could suck his cock. It was hot to see. that was about 12 years ago. At first it was all talk in bed and fun and then it happened It works two ways.
One night out to dinner my wife talked the waitress into coming to motel room for a drink and a blow job. It’s not for everybody. But if it’s something you try and do and like, set some rules. And never talk about it with coworkers or family and friends.
The natural response to something we don’t understand and feel threatened by is to be cynical about it. Feeling threatened by the prospect of introducing others into your most intimate relationship is perfectly normal.
If your not warming to the idea of opening up your relationship, then you can always suggest other ways in which you can enjoy different types of sex together. If having an active and experimental sex life is important to them then you should work together as a couple to find a solution, but dont be afraid to voice your opinions about swinging. Sometimes you have to compromise within a relationship, but that doesn’t going along with things you don’t enjoy.
Giving swinging a try is something either you both are interested in trying or you don’t try at all. It is one bridge once crossed that cannot be uncrossed so that you both need to go into giving it a try with open eyes, mind and emotionally ready. I would suggest, if interested, try visiting a nearby swingers club, not to participate but to see how you feel when you are there and around others enjoying themselves.
You both need to be sure you can mentally handle seeing the other being with someone else, touch, holding and more. If you have trouble imagining this, then you are not ready, if you can imagine it and feel turned on by it, you are ready to think about moving forward a little into this exciting world of swinging. Swinging is not for everyone, so be careful and cautious if you do move forward.
What is a “fondue party”? Is it associated with a “swinging” lifestyle in some way?
Maybe not “swinging” in the sense of the “key parties” at which married couples threw their keys into a bowl and drew keys at random to see who they would go home with at the end of the night.
But fondue is sexy. You dip a piece of bread into an alcohol-cheese mixture and you end up feeding it to your neighbor some of the time. And later there’s chocolate fondue—fruit dipped in melted chocolate and eaten or fed to someone else.
The bottom line is that everything was sexy in the Sixties. Sunshine. Bright colors. Getting high. The new morality. And no AIDS epidemic yet to slow down the partying. And the music. The music was at least as swinging as the fondue.
What is a “fondue party”? Is it associated with a “swinging” lifestyle in some way?
Fondue was popular in 1970s America. Fondue sets were commonly given as presents to young newlyweds, who would then have parties during which the fondue set featured as a prominent communal tub of melted cheese. For example, here’s an ad from the ‘70s that I found quickly via google:
To the extent that some newlyweds in the ‘70s were swingers, sure, there was probably overlap between fondue parties and swingers. But you didn’t need either one for the other to work.
A fondue party is a gathering where people drink wine, socialize and eat fondue. Fondue is melted cheese into which chunks of bread are dipped and consumed. By definition, a fondue party is nothing more scandalous than what I described.
I think you are confusing a fondue party with a swinger party. Both fondue and swinging were popular in the 70’s so I can see how you could mix them up.
If you are planning to throw a fondue party but worry that people will get the wrong idea, don’t. Just say you’re having a fondue party and people won’t expect any more than a pot of hot cheese and bread.
If you’re trying to screw your neighbor’s spouse, then just come out and ask them. You won’t get anywhere by inviting them to a fondue party.
Do women like the swingers lifestyle?
Many women really like it. I did for several years with my first two husbands. I loved the freedom and the erotic excitement. But after a long time I was missing the real intimacy with the mostly random sex that the swing parties involved.
But is was replaced by a life style where I was not monogamous, nor were my husbands. But we each had lovers that we openly shared and loved. That has evolved to a life where I have boyfriends and they are welcomed into our home for love and sex. When a boyfriend is visiting we go on “double dates”. That is my husband, my boyfriend, and me. I love the attention from two men and I need to have relationships with more than one man.
Some call it cuckolding and by the classic definition that is correct. But my husband is not a sissy, I will never demean him or mistreat him. I some have sex with my boyfriend with out my husband in the room and sometimes the sex is with both men together (as in MFM), and sometimes my boyfriend watches me with my husband. I have written about this on many answers. If anyone wants details they can review my profile.
So back to the question. At one time I loved the swinging life style, but now I prefer real loving relation ships with two men.
Is being a swinger still popular nowadays?
I only know one swinger couple, they are Indian and two of the sweetest people I know. The girl, is my friend and she once suggested that my husband and I tag along, we didn’t need to join in just see what it’s all about. I declined , not really my scene and she said it was quite popular. When I did a quick internet search, I found there are around 1.5 million swingers in the UK, which did surprise me, I did not think it was that popular.
How wrong was I.
Nonetheless, I did get the low down on her activities and I can see the fascination and why it is popular. Still, I have no inclination in trying it.
What does a semicolon cross tattoo mean?
Conclusion
I’m not monogamous, but swinging is not a form of non-monogamy that appeals to me. It tends to emphasize sexual relationships and actively discourage emotional ties. Although swinging couples seem to be always searching for single women, couple’s privilege is deeply ingrained in the swinging culture. Since I really need some sort of emotional connection to want someone sexually, and I tend to give a hard side-eye to folks who hunt unicorns, swinging is a non-starter for me.
I prefer polyamory, multiple loving relationships that may or may not include sex. Couple’s privilege is still an issue, but at least there’s an active push to get people to examine that, and there’s starting to be more of an emphasis on encouraging people to build relationships that work for them, even (maybe especially) if those relationships don’t all look the same.
What do you think of the swinging lifestyle if your boyfriend wants you to try it out?